


Smother

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Heartbreak, M/M, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicide, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 05:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9221975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: | I'm sorry if I smothered you. || Josh doesn't love him back. || Mentions of self-harm and suicide, please take care. |





	

**Author's Note:**

> New to the archive, and this is my first Fanfiction.  
> This work was inspired by the song 'Smother' by Daughter.  
> Please do check out that song and the group in general, they are lovely.
> 
> As mentioned, this work has self-harm, suicide and themes of death in it.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading.

It took years to tell him how he felt. It took seconds to get his heart broken.

‘I love you, Tyler, but…’

No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.

‘I don’t love you like that.’

‘But I thought— ‘

‘We’re best friends, Tyler. For life. But that’s all we’ll ever be.’

If Tyler were one to make excuses, he would blame it on his slightly imperfect teeth, his too thin frame, his anxiety, the voices in his head and the crippling self-doubt. But Tyler wasn’t one to make excuses. He could avoid, compartmentalize, cry, deny and idealize all he wanted to, but in the end, it all came back to one simple fact…

Josh didn’t love him. And that was that.

Repression was a finely tuned skilled of Tyler’s, one that he knew better than the lines in his palm or the scars on his hip bones. He could take the whole world and push it down into the deepest, darkest parts of his mind, all while keeping a smile on his face for his family and friends.

He couldn’t bury this though.

He and his thoughts were involved in a violent altercation, thrashing around in the sea of his pain. Thrashing, clawing against the sorrow holding him underwater and he was starting to…

 _I’m wasted, losing time_  
 _I’m a foolish, fragile spine_  
 _I want all that is not mine_  
 _I want him but we’re not right_  
  
Music drifted through the air, echoing off the bathroom walls. Tyler tried to think of the artist and the song title, but pills did funny things to your brain and all he could really think of right now was Josh.

_I should go now quietly_   
_For my bones have found a place to lie down and sleep_   
_Where all my layers can become reeds_   
_All my limbs can become trees_   
_All my children can become me_   
_What a mess I leave_

Laying in the bathtub, Tyler thought of taking his clothes off and filling the tub up with water. The sea was suffocating, he was running out of air and he was ready to…

_In the darkness I will meet my creators  
And they will all agree that I’m a suffocator_

Tyler wondered what Josh was doing right now. Probably playing the drums. That’s what he always did. And that’s one of the things he loved about him, his love of music. No, that wasn’t right; ‘loved’ was past-tense and Tyler wasn’t one to stay in the past, so it was only right to say that he definitely, most assuredly still loves Josh with every fiber of being and nothing was going to change that.

Not even the blade in his hand, carving long and deep lines of relief into his arms, could change what he felt for Josh. Staring up at the ceiling, he took notice of the cracks and chips in the paint on the wall. He had remembered helping his parents paint this bathroom just a few years ago. Letting his soaked arm fall to his side, Tyler rubbed his fingers together, feeling the stickiness of the blood on his skin.

People were kind of like paint; constantly wearing and chipping away until they were all simply just…

  
_I’m sorry if I smothered you_  
 _I’m sorry if I smothered you_  
 _I sometimes wish I’d stayed inside my mother_  
 _Never to come out_  


Gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I have enjoyed reading all of the different works in this fandom.  
> You guys are so talented. Keep up the great work.
> 
> Thank you, again, for reading.
> 
> Peace and love. <3


End file.
